More Than Just a “Friend

Dear Uncle Gary,

My stepmom keeps introducing my husband as my “friend.” Not once, not twice, every time. We’ve been married for over two years, and it’s not like she doesn’t know. She was at the wedding. She’s met his family. She’s seen the ring.

At first, I brushed it off as forgetfulness or awkwardness, but now it feels intentional. Like she’s minimizing our relationship, or refusing to acknowledge it. It’s starting to feel disrespectful, not just to him, but to me as well.

I don’t want to cause drama, but I also don’t want to keep biting my tongue while she erases something that matters deeply to me.

Should I say something? And if so, how do I do it without turning a family gathering into a showdown?

Signed, More Than Just a “Friend”

Dear More Than Just a “Friend,”

Let’s start with the obvious: this isn’t about forgetfulness. Your stepmom was at the wedding. She’s met your husband’s family. She’s seen the ring. She knows. And yet, she keeps calling him your “friend”, which isn’t just inaccurate, it’s dismissive.

Now, I’m going to say something that might hit a nerve, but I say it with love and clarity: your stepmom is likely still in the closet about your relationship. Whether she’s ever said it out loud or not, her behavior suggests she’s carrying her own unresolved fears, shame, or internalized stuff around queerness. And instead of facing it, she’s projecting it onto you.

That doesn’t make her a villain. But it does mean she’s not in a place to celebrate your marriage the way it deserves. And that’s painful, especially when it comes from someone who’s supposed to be family.

So yes, you should say something. Not to shame her. Not to start a war. But to draw a boundary. Because your marriage isn’t up for debate, it’s real. It’s valid. And it deserves respect.

Here’s how you do it: next time she says “friend,” gently but firmly correct her. “Actually, he’s my husband.” No sarcasm. No lecture. Just truth. If she brushes it off or gets defensive, you can follow up privately: “I’ve noticed you keep calling him my friend. That hurts. We’re married, and I need you to honor that.”

You don’t need her approval. But you do need to protect your dignity. And your husband’s. Because every time she erases your relationship, she’s sending a message, and it’s okay to send one back: “We’re here. We’re real. And we’re not going anywhere.”

If she’s struggling with her own identity, that’s her journey. You can offer compassion, but you don’t have to shrink to make her comfortable.

You’re not just more than a “friend.” You’re a spouse. A partner. A whole damn love story. And it’s time she learned to say it out loud.

Uncle Gary