I’m a bottom

Dear Uncle Gary,

I have a question that feels a little unusual, and I haven’t met anyone, or even heard of anyone, in quite the same situation. Is it normal for me not to orgasm during sex?

I genuinely enjoy being intimate with men. I’m a bottom, and I feel confident in what I bring to the experience. The pleasure itself is wonderful, yet I’ve never had a partner who could make me ejaculate. With toys like Fleshlights or other masturbators, I have no problem reaching climax, but when I’m bottoming, it’s as if the connection to my front side just shuts down.

I’m curious whether this is something other men experience, or if there’s a way to better understand what’s happening with me.

Signed, Curious Bottom

Dear Curious Bottom,

First off, thank you for asking the kind of question most people keep tucked away in the “don’t talk about it” drawer. You’re not odd, you’re human, and humans are endlessly varied when it comes to sex.

It’s actually not uncommon for men to enjoy bottoming without ejaculating. For some, the pleasure is more about the intensity of sensation, intimacy, or the psychological thrill rather than the mechanics of climax. Think of it like eating a decadent meal: sometimes the joy is in the flavors and textures, not just the final bite of dessert.

There are a few reasons why your body might respond differently during partnered sex versus solo play:

• Stimulation focus: Toys like Fleshlights are designed to directly engage the penis, while bottoming shifts sensation elsewhere. Your body may prioritize one pathway over the other.

• Mental wiring: Orgasm isn’t just physical, it’s tied to relaxation, trust, and focus. If your brain is more absorbed in the role of bottoming, it may not “route” energy toward ejaculation.

• Individual variation: Some men simply don’t climax from penetration alone. It’s not broken, it’s just biology.

  
  

The important part is this: you’re already experiencing pleasure and satisfaction. Orgasm is not the sole measure of sexual fulfillment. If you’d like to experiment, you could try combining stimulation, manual or toy play on the front side while bottoming, to see if that bridges the gap. But if you don’t, you’re still perfectly normal.

So yes, other men experience this. And no, it doesn’t mean you’re missing out; it just means your body has its own unique rhythm. The real win is that you’re enjoying sex, confident in yourself, and curious enough to ask the question. That’s a healthy sexual life by any measure.

Signed, Uncle Gary