But I feel betrayed!

Dear Uncle Gary,

My best friend just started dating my ex. They say it’s love, but I feel betrayed. Am I being petty, or do I have a right to be upset?

Signed Betrayed

Dear Betrayed,

You’re not being petty. You’re being human. When someone close to you crosses into territory that used to be yours, especially emotionally intimate territory, it stirs things up. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong to feel what you feel. It means you’re alive.

Now, let’s zoom out. The word “betrayed” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Is it betrayal because they snuck around? Lied? Or is it betrayal because they didn’t ask for your blessing, didn’t check in, didn’t even pause to consider how this might land with you? That matters. Intent matters. Timing matters. And history matters.

Let’s talk about that history. Why did you and your ex break up? Was it messy, unresolved, full of lingering feelings? Or was it clean, mutual, and done? If your friend was around during the relationship listening to your complaints, watching the dynamic, then yeah, it’s fair to wonder; were they quietly auditioning while you were unraveling? That’s not just awkward. That’s a breach of emotional trust.

But here’s the twist. Maybe they are a better match. Maybe they bring out something in each other that you never could. That doesn’t erase your discomfort, but it reframes it. It’s not about ownership. It’s about dignity. You don’t have to cheer them on, but you also don’t have to carry bitterness like a backpack full of bricks.

So what do you do? You name the feeling. You sit with it. You ask yourself what you need to move forward, closure, distance, a conversation, or just time. And you remember this. Being “the bigger person” doesn’t mean swallowing your hurt. It means choosing how to respond with clarity and self-respect.

You’re not petty. You’re processing. And that’s the work.

Sincerely, Uncle Gary