I could use a little perspective.

Hey Uncle Gary,

Is my hygiene routine actually a problem? I could use a little perspective. My fiancé is super particular about cleanliness; he showers daily, sometimes even twice. Meanwhile, I tend to shower every other day and wash my hair every 3–4 days. I’ve got curly/wavy hair, and frequent washing just isn’t practical with the styling and drying involved. I keep an eye on how it looks and feels, and I adjust if needed.

I always use deodorant and perfume (sometimes more than once a day), and when I do shower, I go all in, shaving, moisturizing, the works. I genuinely don’t think I smell bad, and I’m pretty self-conscious about it anyway.

But lately, he’s been calling me “gross” and pushing hard for me to shower every single day. This wasn’t a thing earlier in our relationship; we’ve been together three years, engaged for one, and I’m not sure why it’s suddenly become a point of tension.

Is my routine actually unhygienic? Or is this more about his preferences than any real issue?

Signed, Curly Hair Girl

Dear Curly Hair Girl,

Let’s start with the obvious: your routine isn’t unhygienic. It’s thoughtful, tailored to your hair type, and rooted in actual care. You’re not skipping showers out of laziness; you’re making choices based on what works for your body. That’s not neglect. That’s self-awareness.

Now, your fiancé’s reaction? That’s where the real issue lives. Calling you “gross” isn’t just rude, it’s dismissive. It takes a personal preference (his) and tries to pass it off as a universal truth. It’s one thing to say, “I feel better when I shower daily.” It’s another to say, “You’re disgusting if you don’t.”

And let’s be honest: this didn’t bother him for the first three years. So what changed? Stress? Control? Some TikTok influencer whispering nonsense into his algorithm? Whatever it is, it’s not about hygiene. It’s about comfort zones and expectations, and maybe a little insecurity dressed up as judgment.

Here’s what I’d suggest: sit him down and ask for clarity. Not defensively. Not angrily. Just calmly. “You never used to care about this. What’s shifted?” If he can’t answer without throwing insults, that’s a red flag. If he can, maybe you two can find a middle ground that respects both your needs.

But don’t let anyone shame you out of a routine that’s working. You’re clean. You’re considerate. You’re not the problem.

With respect for your curls and your boundaries, Uncle Gary