Clean, Confident, and Consistent: A Hygiene Routine That Works

I know what you’re thinking: “Is Uncle Gary really about to give me a hygiene lecture like I’m thirteen and just discovered armpits?” Not exactly. I’m not here to shame anyone, and I don’t think young men are roaming the earth in a cloud of funk and confusion. But I’ve seen what happens when structure disappears, when the dorm replaces the dining room, and nobody’s around to say, “Hey, maybe wash your sheets once in a while.”

This isn’t an intervention. It’s a nudge. A reminder that the basics matter. That the habits you (hopefully) picked up somewhere between gym class and grandma’s house are worth keeping. If you missed that memo growing up, no shame, now’s a great time to start. You’ll feel sharper, walk taller, and yes, smell better. That last part’s not just for the ladies, it’s for you. Confidence starts with not wondering if your socks could double as biohazards.

And no, I’m not suggesting you become the guy who spends twenty minutes inspecting his pores under LED lighting. This isn’t about vanity. It’s about consistency. Cleanliness was one of Ben Franklin’s virtues, and the man flew a kite in a lightning storm, so clearly, he knew how to commit.

Bottom line: keep it simple, keep it regular, and keep it together. Your future self will thank you. And so will anyone standing downwind.

Laundry: The Silent Reputation Killer

If your hamper looks like it’s auditioning for a landfill documentary, it’s time to intervene. Dirty clothes don’t just smell; they send a message. And that message is: “I’ve stopped trying.” You don’t need to iron your socks or alphabetize your underwear drawer, but you do need clean basics. Rotate your shirts. Wash your jeans. And for the love of breathable fabric, change your sheets more than once a semester. You’re not a raccoon living in a pile of old pizza boxes. Act accordingly.

Nails: Small Details, Big Impact

Unless you’re moonlighting as a flamenco guitarist or chasing a Guinness World Record, there’s no excuse for talons. And chewing them? Hard pass. Gnawed-up nails aren’t mysterious or edgy; they’re unsettling. They make you look like you’ve been nervously waiting for a court verdict.

Grab a basic clipper and give your fingers a quick once-over once a week, preferably after your shower when everything’s softened up. Follow the natural curve of your fingertip and leave just enough nail to scratch your head without drawing blood. Toenails? Same deal. Especially if you’re rocking flip-flops, which are basically campus dress code. You don’t want your feet looking like they belong to a woodland creature. And if you’re lucky enough to be canoodling with someone, don’t make them flinch every time your toes graze their leg.

Don’t overdo it, though. Over-trimming leads to ingrown toenails, and that’s a pain you don’t want. Cut straight across, leave a little length, and clean up after yourself. Nail trimmings on the floor are not a vibe. If there’s dirt under your nails, scoop it out with the file that’s probably attached to your clippers. And if you get a hangnail, clip it, don’t yank it like you’re trying to start a lawnmower.

Contacts: Your Eyeballs Deserve Better

Unless you’ve got extended-wear lenses, and even then, don’t push it, take them out every night. Sleeping in contacts for days on end is a fast track to corneal ulcers. I knew a guy who did that. His eyes looked like they’d been through a bar fight. Even with extended-wear, my optometrist gave me the side-eye when I asked about sleeping in them. Just take them out. Your eyeballs will thank you.

Facial Hair: Grow It, Groom It, Own It

College is prime time for beard experiments. Grow it, shape it, love it, but for the sake of everyone around you, groom it. A little scruff can be charming. A patchy neckbeard that looks like it’s trying to escape your face? Not so much. If you’re going to commit to facial hair, actually commit. Keep it tidy. Define the edges. And if you’ve been using a cartridge razor your whole life, now’s a great time to try a safety razor. It turns shaving from a chore into a ritual. Plus, it makes you feel like you’ve got your life together, even if you’re still eating ramen three nights a week.

Haircuts: Don’t Let Your Head Become a Hat

College is also prime time for letting your hair do whatever it wants. And that’s fine, to a point. But when your mop starts interfering with your vision or makes you look like you’re wearing a wool helmet, it’s time for a trim. I skipped haircuts my first semester and ended up with a thick, shapeless bowl that made me feel like I’d been cast in a low-budget medieval drama. If your bangs require constant flipping or dramatic head swings, ask yourself: Am I a pop star or just procrastinating?

And while we’re here, ditch the Supercuts routine. Grab a couple of friends and find a real barbershop. It’s not just about the cut; it’s about the ritual. The conversation. The hot towel. The feeling of walking out looking like someone who knows what day it is.

Acne: Treat It, Don’t Just Hope It Goes Away

Acne’s a confidence killer, but it’s also treatable. If you’ve got a mild case, wash your face morning and night with something made for acne-prone skin. Spot treat with benzoyl peroxide when needed. If that dries you out, alternate with a gentle cleanser like Cetaphil. And skip the overpriced kits unless you’ve tried the basics first, most of those “miracle systems” are just benzoyl peroxide in fancy packaging.

Heads up: Benzoyl peroxide bleaches fabric. Wash your hands after applying it, and don’t wear it during the day unless you want your shirt collar to look like it’s been through a chemical spill. Use a white pillowcase at home, and remember that when you’re staying over somewhere. (Trust me, bleach spots are not a good look on someone else’s linens.)

Short hair helps too, it keeps oil and product off your face and makes it easier to stay clean. Wash your pillowcase regularly. If things don’t clear up, see a doctor. There are prescriptions that work wonders.

Hand-Washing: The Underrated Power Move

A 2005 survey at ballparks found that 37% of men skipped the sink after using the restroom. Thirty-seven percent. That’s not just gross, it’s a public health hazard. If you want to avoid spending your week curled up in bed with a fever and a bucket, wash your hands. Especially during cold and flu season.

I used to blow it off too, until one semester I got hit with a flu so violent it turned me into a human sprinkler. Couldn’t study, couldn’t work out, couldn’t even enjoy being sick. Just shivering, sweating, and regretting every bathroom I’d ever breezed through without soap.

After that? I became a hand-washing evangelist. It takes twenty seconds. You don’t need a hazmat suit, just a little soap and some common sense. And while we’re on the topic: get your flu shot. Every year. No excuses. If you’re in school, they might offer it for free. If not, Walgreens will do it for about $35. That’s cheaper than a dinner out, and way more useful. You can’t put a price on a week of your life. Especially when that week might include midterms, dates, or just not feeling like death warmed over.