Should I stay or should I go?

Hey Uncle Gary,

I’m a 26F married to a 27M. We’ve been together 8 years and have two young kids. Our relationship has had serious issues, including his cheating, constant arguing, and growing resentment. I’m a stay-at-home mom, which makes leaving harder, but I feel divorce may be necessary. At the same time, I’m scared of being away from my kids on his custody days, and I worry our youngest, who has speech delays, might regress in daycare. I’m torn between staying unhappy for the kids or divorcing because we don’t get along. Is it possible to rebuild love, or am I holding onto something that can’t be fixed?

Signed, Should I stay or should I go?

Dear, Should I stay or should I go,

My friend, what you’re carrying is heavy, and it’s perfectly understandable to feel torn when your heart is being pulled in two directions at once. Now, I want to say this clearly and calmly, cheating, constant arguing, and years of resentment don’t just fade away because we squint real hard and hope for the best; healing demands honesty, accountability, and a real commitment to counseling or therapy from both of you, not just you holding everything together with duct tape and good intentions. And I hear the fear in your voice about being away from your kids, especially with your youngest needing extra support, but children often grow the most when the parent they rely on is steady, centered, and not living in a storm every day. Whether this marriage can be rebuilt depends on whether he’s willing to do the real work, and I mean the kind where a therapist says, “Let’s try that again,” and he doesn’t roll his eyes, but you shouldn’t stay in misery on the off-chance that love might boomerang back someday. What matters most is choosing the path that brings you peace, because your kids don’t need you to be perfect; they just need you to be whole.

Signed, Uncle Gary